Sometimes I think about my pain, sometimes I think about your
pain,
the never ending malignant ripples, widening, expanding..
forever
once a stone is tossed in the waters of your being, nothing
is ever the same
I don’t know why some are happier than others, why some are
stronger,
why some are luckier.. I don’t have the answers..
But I know I no longer hope for a recovery.. a retrieving of an old self
The water is too murky, the bottom too deep, the stones too
alike to ever reclaim the one that opened the largest wound and keeps echoing disaster.
There are bruises you just can’t come back from, not “you”
any way, not whole anyway,
when you loved me it was like.. it was like all I have ever
lost was somehow given back to me.
I don’t know where to go with myself now that you’ve
replaced me, there’s nowhere to go from myself.. the thought of you loving her,
touching her, the thought of her carrying your child, the child I so much wanted to
have with you.. too many knives, too many bullets, too many lightning strikes for
me to ever try to escape.. and I’m so
tired.. so very tired.
