I let go of God,
That angry, precarious, revenge thirsty, self-centered, bastard who hates women, gays, and denounces all religions except Islam.
God is the stick my parents threatened me with,
God, God, God they sneered
“Be obedient or God will damn you”
“Do as I tell you or God burn you”
“Stay silent or God will blind you”
God, God, God!
All God wanted to do is shroud me, veil me; “Cover up, be modest and pious, or you’ll entice the men who have no self-control, because that’s how I made them.”
I let go of God, the stick.
And it felt like missing a tooth. I kept feeling the gap with my tongue, waiting for a new tooth, a wiser tree to set its roots and grow, but nothing came.
Cold air blew through my tooth gap, and made my gums dry, a void I thought I had to fill.
I filled it with philosophy, I filled is with spirituality, I filled it with poetry, I filled it with literature, I filled it with food, I filled it with rage, I filled it with tears, I filled it with sex, I filled it with science.
I tried, in vain, to understand time, I tempted fate, I stared my shadow in the eyes and it looked nothing like me, I chewed and chewed on my rubbery, tasteless emotions and swallowed them.
My eyes knew something my heart didn’t, my mind knew what neither knew, my body knew the most, and was calm and quiet like a Buddha; smiling more and more with age, and became happier and happier with less.
When I wake up every morning, I carefully pick the shards of the past from my skin, I catch myself before a prayer, what is there to pray for?
Reality is lie,
Healing is a lie,
Birth and death are lies,
And there were never, others.
