Mar 3, 2017

This Broken




Driving from one place to another. Distributing my CV. Hoping things will get better, hoping this nightmare ends, hoping my life gets back on some kind of track. “Things cannot get worse than this” I thought to myself. "This is the worst I’ve ever been, things can only start getting better from here", then suddenly, a deafening CRASH!

It took me a couple of seconds to realize what happened, my car pushed forward with a blow, my body pressed violently to my seat as the seatbelt tightens responding to the shock, my heavy, as if disconnected head, thrown forward with a jolt, the horrid sound of metal colliding, rear lights smashed, glass cracking, and the blaring horns by the inconvenienced traffic.
I lift my head to my rear mirror to see the driver who hit me. A man, he climbs down from his massive black SUV. I lift both my shaking hands to cover my horrified trembling mouth, the tears come, I’m shaking, scared, desperately in shock. This can’t be happing to me, not now, not when I need to drive in search for a job, to support myself, to support my daughter. Please, let this be another of my nightmares, please don't let this be true, let it be unreal, let me wake up now, perhaps it’s only a bad dream.
I watch him examine the damage at the back of my car, I can see how bad it is by the little shake of his head, his sad, disappointed features. He looks at me through my mirror and approaches my side of the car, I order my left hand to come down from my mouth and bring the window down, to hear what he has to say. I already hate him, I already wish he was dead, I already wish I had the strength to move, to peal myself off my seat, climb out my car, and punch him so hard it would ruin his face forever.
As soon as the window starts descending, I hear shattered glass being run over by the hurried traffic, torn off metal, and shattered plastic crunching under indifferent tires. I can’t stop the tears, I’m crying uncontrollably now. “Are you okay? Please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I will fix it. I will fix the damage. I will take your car to the garage right now. You won’t even need the insurance. I’ll do everything for you. I’ll pay for everything. Please try to calm down. It’s fixable. Everything can be made right again”.
His words cause me to break down, I have never in my life felt so far, so far from okay, so far from being fixed, so far from being made right again, I have never in my life felt this lonely, this damaged, this broken.