11 Mar 2017

Dear Roy

Dear Roy,

I hope you’re well,

I don't really know why I'm writing to you. You often cross my mind, perhaps it's because I miss my little house on Dugdale Road, and the fact that it was a home for me and Jori. And you were my neighbour, and that means something, especially in the situation I am in now.

Things have gone from bad to worse for me. After my deportation from the UK, I went to Dubai with a hope of finding a job and settling there, but unfortunately things didn't go as planned. I struggled, each time I applied for a position I was rejected. I later found out that there were security reasons; I had (in the past) voiced some controversial political views when I was living in Kuwait. I’m not sure whether employers kept digging it up from the internet, or whether the existence of a mutual security agreement between the Gulf Countries had placed my name on some sort of ban. No one would give me any clear explanation. 

When I was at a dead end in Dubai, I decided the only way, was to go back to Kuwait and beg for my old job back (I was a law lecturer at Kuwait university). I came back to Kuwait and started the process of trying to get my job back, they've been promising me my old position since last December, but without avail. Now, I am in Kuwait applying for every job I can find, but getting nowhere. I have a PhD in law from Warwick, one of UK's best universities and I'm rejected everywhere I go. I feel heart broken, trapped, worthless.

My relationship with my family has always been strained. I do my best to find common ground with them, to understand them. I want to belong to them, to feel loved and accepted. Things work out for a short period of time, then they break again. They shame me constantly, telling me that I have mental health issues and that I need to see a professional, that I'm negatively affecting Jori, they hurt me, patronize me, alienate me and drive me away. Just this morning my father told me that if I don't see a psychologist he will make sure I'm taken there by force, he threatened me with the police. It pained me, it totally destroyed me. I never denied my depression, I have my bad and good days, but I've been the best mother I can be for Jori. Forcing me to get psychological help is painful, especially when I'm going through so much already. 

I've been trying to sell my house on Dugdale Road because I can't afford to pay the mortgage anymore. But there are complications there too (my ex-husband's name is on the contract and he's not communicating with me or the solicitors). The house has been on the market for months.

I don't know why all this is happening to me. I was always ambitious, hardworking and enthusiastic. I have talents, I have potential and yet I seem to have such bad luck wherever I go, despite what I do.

I'm so sorry I'm sending you this very long sad e-mail, but I'm very lonely and lost. I know you don't have any solution for my problems.