Last week I turned 35. I didn’t do anything special, I didn’t throw a party or go out for dinner, I spent my day calmly and quietly doing the things I enjoy; I worked on a painting, I walked to the town center to buy myself a chocolate cake then I devoured it! I had an interesting conversation with a homeless man.. but I mostly looked, I looked at people, I looked at their faces, their hands, their expressions, I tried to imagine who they were, what their journey in life has been like?
I looked at the simple beauty that was around me; a beautiful bent tree, a wise looking crow, the magnificent sky, the enchanting beauty of autumn, teaching me that it is okay to let go of dead things. I wanted so much for my joy to come from within me, I didn’t want to feel special because someone remembered to wish me a happy birthday or a bunch of friends fussed about me, I was determined that I already had everything I need inside me, I didn’t need anything externally.
I have come a long way.. I’ve struggled so long with depression and suffered so much with dark thoughts of hurting myself.. I truly have come a long way, through therapy and art I managed to pull through and this my 35th year was probably the first time I truly celebrated walking this earth without the need for anything, no fuss, no dinners or presents, not even a friend, just me feeling full, complete and intact.