Last week I turned 35. I
didn’t do anything special, I didn’t throw a party or go out for dinner, I
spent my day calmly and quietly doing the things I enjoy; I worked on a
painting, I walked to the town center to buy myself a chocolate cake then I devoured
it! I had an interesting conversation with a homeless man.. but I mostly
looked, I looked at people, I looked at their faces, their hands, their expressions,
I tried to imagine who they were, what their journey in life has been like?
I looked at the simple
beauty that was around me; a beautiful bent tree, a wise looking crow, the magnificent
sky, the enchanting beauty of autumn, teaching me that it is okay to let go of
dead things. I wanted so much for my joy to come from within me, I didn’t want
to feel special because someone remembered to wish me a happy birthday or a
bunch of friends fussed about me, I was determined that I already had everything
I need inside me, I didn’t need anything externally.
I have come a long way.. I’ve struggled so long with depression and suffered
so much with dark thoughts of hurting myself.. I truly have come a long way, through
therapy and art I managed to pull through and this my 35th year was
probably the first time I truly celebrated walking this earth without the need for anything, no fuss, no dinners or presents, not even a friend, just me feeling
full, complete and intact.
