26 Oct 2013

Last. Need. Stab!


If only there was one more door to knock
one more door to open
one last hope not consulted
a star within reach.


Sometimes she would want to say
paint a vivid picture with hand gestures and facial expressions
so people would nod in empathy
how she craved an understanding soft look.
But how do you explain darkness?
what facial expression conveys emptiness?
what hand gesture portrays endless, infinite, unbound nothingness; in which
she drowns?

Letting go of God

When we stopped talking
I shut my eyes and let you go
my prayers became mere physical movements
I don’t believe you can pull me out of myself.
I am a living thing, I will live until I die.
there are no miracles
no sudden turns
there is only fate.

I know empty
I feel empty
I wake and sleep empty
I see empty people everywhere
I hear empty words
I loathe the emptiness you have created in people like me
I loathe the empty handedness of time.


Stabbing the ashtray with a half burnt bud
it dawns on her
This austere dark room is where her mind lives


I know how the mind copes:
“It wasn’t meant to be”
“We were wrong for each other”
“He was too; distant, careless, jealous, vague, flirtatious, unattached..”
The mind, stiffly holding on to every ideal he did not live up to.

I know how the heart copes:
Brooding in the dark
Weeping guilt and wanting, but.

I know how the body copes:
a mirage of a touch
the familiar warm limbs after a night of lovemaking.
a shiver in the spine.


What I did not know; is that love ends in deepened desire;
that love lost ripens to a life of its own, floats aimlessly,
drifts like a little boat without oars..


We are so lonely in our loves
and, it is often
easier to imagine than live.