My body is an old, stiff, corpse
I wake up every morning to manhandle it, I am not inside it
I shove my heavy, rigid arms into shirt sleeves
I force my aching, limp legs into trouser legs
ground meat stuffed in skin encasing
I standup straight, my back complains, it wants to bend, it wants
to curl
my body refuses to be a body
feeling disconnected, and defeated, and poor
was I ever put together?
rusty daggers thrust into my brain, the taste of something metallic
in my mouth
an exhausting din that will not stop, a foggy dim that won’t
clear
I do my duties, nothing is delayed, nothing is misplaced, or
forgotten
I’m not sure how I face day after spirit breaking day, but I
do
dread, like poisoned blades of grass push through my veins,
freshly cut reasons not to go on
my eyes, murky ponds that reflect nothing, the slightest
light insults them
a bruised fatigued creature has replaced my heart, its
beating strenuous
my will, a runover fawn, raspy breath, and wheezing, a wild
eyed, dying animal
nearing the end of the day, I fall into an emptiness so
vast, so lonely, so incoherent
was there ever anything but suffering?
somewhere in a parallel universe
someone sees me, someone loves me, adores me
someone understands my eyes, someone knows me
someone believes in all the goodness I carry
in a parallel universe, someone fights for me
somewhere in another universe
if only I believed in love, more than I believed in pain
