You can listen to this essay here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw2RdQAeQes&t=8s
Like all major religions, Islam was founded by men whose main design was to oppress, objectify, and keep women under male control. Islam portrays women as deceitful temptresses. Every woman in the eyes of Islam is a reflection of Eve - who according to the Quran tempted Adam to eat the forbidden fruit and as a result, be banished from heaven, to face a life of struggle, and suffering on earth. In Islam a woman is suspicious and wicked, always luring the male, always tempting him into forbidden sensuous pleasures, therefore she must be covered, her body must be shrouded, her hair must be veiled, she must not be seen or heard, lest she leads the poor innocent man astray, the man who has no control over his sexual urges, the man who is benevolent, and who - if it weren’t for the persistent distraction of seductress women would quietly and faithfully dedicate his life to the worship of God.
Muslim women have adhered to these degrading dogmas,
believing the lies Islam tells them about how dangerous their bodies and their
minds are, and thus should wrap themselves up like mummies and keep their
mouths shut. From the age of six , women in Muslim countries, are taught in
school about the horrors of being punished in the afterlife, an impious woman,
an immodest woman, a woman who is disobedient to her male guardians, all of
them will burn in hell for eternity, by a just and merciful God.
How can Muslim women not be afraid, when the Prophet Mohammed
who claims to have traveled to the heavens on a flying horse called “Alburaq”,
spoke to God, viewed heaven and hell, then returned to earth on the same night,
told his followers that the majority of hell dwellers he saw were women, and
that this was due to their immodesty, and their disobedience to their male
guardians. How could Muslim men not eye women as evil temptresses when the
Prophet Mohammed said in the Hadith: “I will not leave behind me a temptation
more harmful to men than women.” The Hadith is everything the Prophet Mohammed
said, and ordered his followers to obey. How could men not see women as
inferior when in another Hadith Mohammed said: “if I were to order anyone to
bow to anyone else, I would order a woman to bow to her husband.” And in
another Hadith he provides: “If a man is praying and a donkey passes by, or a
black dog passes by, or a woman passes by, his prayer is rejected.” Women being
equal to donkeys and dogs that invalidate prayer.
I wrote a detailed essay entitled “Is Hijab really a choice?
And is there equality between men and women in Islam?” (see footnote[1])
In this essay I number all the discriminatory religious practices against women
mentioned in the Quran and the Hadith: from polygamy, and a husband’s right to
discipline his wife by beating, to the compulsory covering of the head and body,
to the disproportion of women’s share of inherence, compared to men. To a
husband’s right to divorce his wife without her knowledge or consent. In the
mentioned essay, I also touch upon the issue of internalized misogyny,
displayed by so many Muslim women who say that it’s their choice to wear the
Hijab, emphasizing the misogynistic view that it’s a woman’s responsibility to
cover up in order not to invite sexual violence from men, rather than it being the
man’s responsibility to refrain from sexual violence against women no matter
what they’re wearing. I also address the problematic nature of “choice” as
these women claim they “choose” to cover up and are not forced to do so by male
guardians. If a woman can “choose” to wear the Hijab, but knows she will face
some form of violence: physical, verbal, or emotional, when she chooses to take
it off, then it is definitely not a choice but force.
In another essay entitled “Discrimination against Women in
Kuwaiti Laws and Culture.” (see footnote[2])
in which I number all the Kuwaiti laws and cultural norms that not only
restrict women’s movement and self-autonomy, but also endanger their lives in
Kuwait. From not having access to a gynecologist unless a woman is married. To
not being able to authorize medical surgery for her child, or other family
members, because surgical authorization in Kuwait can only be given by a man. To
article 153 of the Kuwaiti Criminal law which sympathizes with men who kill
their wives, daughters, sisters, or mothers, in the name of preserving honor.
In this essay I want to focus on how Islam encourages the
murder of women by their males relatives, also known in Muslim countries as
honor killing, or femicide.
Despite UN statistics showing that 5000 Muslim women are
murdered every year by their male relatives. Muslims continue to argue that
honor killing has nothing to do with Islam, that honor killing is a deep-rooted
tribal tradition Arab men practiced before Islam, a complex ideology difficult to
abolish. If this was true, then Islam after one thousand and four hundred years
has failed as a religion to recondition the barbaric Muslim man into a decent
human being who refrains from murdering women. Also, if honor killing is an
Arab tradition, that cannot be linked to Islam, then why do Pakistan, Iran, and
Turkey who are Muslim but not Arab countires hold the highest records for honor
killing, with Turkey reporting the murder of 474 Turkish women by male guardians
in 2019, all categorized as honor killings. This number was expected to double in
2020 due to the pandemic forcing families to quarantine. In Pakistan a thousand
women are murdered each year by male relatives for reasons of honor. And in
Iran, a staggering 8000 honor killings were reported between 2010 and 2014. In
addition to this, the extreme violence against women carried out by The
Taliban, and Boko Haram both Muslim groups, neither Arab, shows that Islamic
beliefs play an integral role in the violence Muslim men practice upon women.
Society cannot create a good woman, until it first creates a
bad woman. In all Muslim societies a woman who adheres to misogynistic, patriarchal
restrictions, covering up her head and body, behaving piously by displaying
innocence and purity through sexual abstinence like a badge of honor, and
obeying male guardians, is seen a good woman. Therefore, the woman who refuses
to follow these religious and culture rules deserves to be punished, deserves
violence, deserves death. It is no wonder then, when I started to post on
Twitter about a twenty-four-year-old Kuwaiti woman named Ghalia Al Thafeeri who
was tortured and strangled by her twenty-one-year-old brother, and her corpse
disposed of in the desert, only to be found several days later. Kuwaiti women
on twitter slid into my DMs to ask me with genuine bafflement: “Why did he kill
her? What did she do?” What these women wanted to know was, what did Ghalia do
to deserve being tortured and her throat slit by her brother? Because she must
have done something. Bad women who dare to overpass the narrow bounders men
draw for them, deserve to be killed. These Muslim women, blinded by their
internalized misogyny believe without question that if they overstep the
restrictions and rules imposed on them by men, then men’s violence against them
will be justified.
People in Kuwait would read short vague articles, the
victim’s name is never mentioned. “A corpse was found in the desert,” the
article would say, “a young woman, twenty four years old, twenty seven, thirty,
forty, her throat slit, strangled, shot, and was found, not buried, half her
body eaten by wolves.” Then a few days later another article; the murderer,
also nameless, the victim’s father, brother, or husband turns himself in to the police. And that’s it. Silence. Nothing
is ever mentioned again. The public is never told whether the murderer is
tried, convicted, or if imprisoned, for how long?
Because of the shame and alleged dishonor the families of the
victims and perpetrators feel, these murders are kept quiet, never spoken of or
reported by the families.
This is also why, when I revealed Ghalia Al Thafeeri’s name
on twitter in 2018, it was a kind of a shock. The first time a woman’s name was
revealed as a victim of honor killing.
Ghalia was my friend Farah’s relative, I still remember
Farah’s breathless voice on the phone, “Her family said she died in a car
accident, but it’s her, she’s the corpse found in the desert. I knew something
wasn’t right when they announced there won’t be a funeral.” Farah said sobbing
uncontrollably.
Farah and I wanted to honor Ghalia’s memory. We didn’t know
where Ghalia was buried, we had no way of knowing. Girls like Ghalia did not
get a tombstone or any distinguishing markers on their graves.
Honor killings have always existed in Kuwait. I am not sure
if these heinous crimes are growing, or whether due to the media becoming
braver - though not brave enough - we are hearing more about them. There are no
clear statistics, because Kuwait is not a country known for its accuracy or its
transparency. The hypocrisy practiced by both the government and the people, preferring
to show the world a false image of luxury, and comfort, in the small oil state,
means that all the ugliness of violence against women, oppression towards the
stateless, and the horrific treatment of cheap foreign labor, especially poor
women working in Kuwait as domestic help, is all hushed up and swept under the
rug.
When I lived in Kuwait, I heard stories about young girls and
women murdered by men closest to them, a father, brother, a husband, or a son.
A girl was suspected to be in a relationship with a man outside wedlock, the father,
brother, husband, and even the son vows to restore the family’s honor, and a
body is buried somewhere in the desert. If anyone asks, the family will say
that the girl married a man in Saudi Arabia, and went to live with him there.
But it never made much sense to me. Wouldn’t friends and relatives be
suspicious? Why doesn’t she visit? Why doesn’t she answer her friends’ calls?
But I also knew better. In Kuwait, as is in all the Middle East, a girl’s life
is worthless, slaughtered like a lamb and forgotten, as if she never existed.
In a small patriarchal country, where girls from a very young
age are taught to obey, to be quiet, weak and submissive, where mothers who
internalized misogyny discipline their daughters with “you better not say or do
that or your father will kill you,” and, “Do as you’re told or your brother
will kill you.” It’s no wonder that the murder of girls and women goes
unnoticed.
Article 153 of the Kuwaiti Criminal Law, sympathizes with men
who kill their wives, daughters, sisters, and mothers; if a man finds his wife,
mother, sister, or daughter in bed with a man, and kills her, or kills the man,
or kills both, he will only be sentenced to three years in prison, rather than
the capital punishment or a life sentence. Of course those murderers never
found their wives, daughters, or sisters in bed with men, they suspect their
victims to be in some sort of relationship, they saw a text, or someone spread
a rumor. But in a community with religious beliefs that encourage men to behave
as if a man’s honor rests in the sexual abstinence and purity of his daughter,
sister, wife, and mother, and where a corrupt justice system is run by
like-minded men, those monsters get off easy. What’s a three year prison
sentence to keeping your tribe’s honor?
My friend Farah tried to dig deeper, was Ghalia really found
with a man? Ghalia’s friends had different stories. One of which was that her
brother found her at a mixed party, she was immodestly dressed, she was drunk,
while some say this story is very unlikely. Another story told of a jealous
ex-boyfriend who wanted revenge and sent Ghalia’s indecent photos to her
brother. What makes Ghalia’s story more complicated is that she was married,
she also had a baby son.
Imagine, your husband, brother and father sitting together
plotting your murder. In honor killings, the father, brother, and husband (if
there is one) are always in it together. Her brother took her to the desert,
tortured her, strangled her, and slit her throat. The short article specified
that there was torture, suffocation, and a slashed throat. The murderous
brother turned himself in. That’s all we know.
Through an acquaintance who had access to the court’s digital
records of ongoing trials, Farah found out that the brother was facing trial,
but when her informer tried to check again for updates, access to that trial in
particular was blocked. Since 2014 there have been several attempts to change
the law, but every time a women organization named ‘Abolish Article 153’ sends
the amendments to parliament, they are rejected.
When I published Ghalia’s name on social media, the general
response was: “You’re lying! She died in a car accident, shame on you for
marring her name.” When I argued that honor killings were on the rise, and that
there are many we never hear about, because the families keep quiet about it.
The response was that I was exaggerating and seeking attention. “You make it
sound like Kuwait’s soil is covered with women’s corpses,” one man whined. “The
media reported eight murdered women in 2018, all murdered by brothers, fathers
and husbands, how many corpses do you need before you take the issue
seriously?” I responded. Then the death and rape threats filled my inbox.
“You’re next”, “Your daughter Jori is next”, and “I know where you work.” they
read.
I thought about names, the Kuwaiti society’s persistence in
concealing names of female victims to protect their families’ reputation and
“honor”, and to protect the killer. The fact that women in Kuwait don’t really
have autonomy over their names, when a girl is born she is called by her
father’s name “the daughter of [father’s name]”, when she is married she is
called “the wife of [husband’s name]”, and when she has a son she is called
“the mother of [son’s name]” until she dies. Her name in itself, like her body
is a source of shame and must be shrouded.
I tweeted about how important it is to reveal the names of
women victims, that the media and the families purposely veil the names so that
victims are easily forgotten. I tweeted about the importance of a safe shelter
for women, which until today Kuwait does not have
Women sent me stories, blood-curdling stories of the violence
and fear they live in day after day. A woman in her thirties killed by her
father because she wanted to live independently of her family after her
divorce. The father reportedly provided the police with the following
confession: “I straddled her, wrapped my hands around her throat and squeezed,
I can see her fading, her face turning blue, I knew I was killing her, but I
couldn’t stop.” Another, murdered by her brother because he found out she knew
her husband before she married him. Another by her husband because she asked
for a divorce, on and on the stories went about brothers who rape and uncles
who molest, and mothers who knew and either turned a blind eye, or blamed their
daughters’ attire, threatening the girl if she dared reveal what she had gone
through. “Just stay away from him,” one girl told me her mother advised her,
when she confided to her that her older brother molested her.
A couple of months after Ghalia’s murder, Hajar Al Ajmi was
murdered by her brother, Hajar identified as queer, and her brother claimed he
killed her by accident while he was cleaning his rifle. Numerous Kuwaiti women
are killed annually by brothers who “accidently” shoot them while cleaning
their guns. After Hajar, Fatima Al Ajmi was murdered by her brother. He shot
her in the hospital, where she was being treated, she was pregnant with her
second child. Fatima defied her family and married a man they didn’t approve
of, her brother never forgave her for it. The latest Kuwaiti victim, a woman
named Farah Akbar, she was killed in April 2021, in her car in front of her two
daughters, aged twelve and five, by a man she turned down because Farah was
already married.
After I sought asylum in the United States, Kuwaiti women
following me on twitter sent me messages telling me they wished they could
migrate to the West. Somewhere they can live freely, free from all the
religious and social restrictions, free from the fear, and the oppression, and
inequality they face on a daily basis. They don’t have the money, they don’t
speak the language, they’ve never traveled on their own before, but they want
to leave, and experience what it’s like to have some autonomy over their lives.
They don’t want to be controlled by their male relatives anymore, they don’t
want to be abused by them, telling them what they can and can’t wear, where they
can and can’t go, who they can and can’t befriend, whether or not they were
allowed to go to college, or work, depriving them of higher education and work,
marrying them off to husbands they didn’t want, whom they’re later forced to
have children with. And all in the name of, “We know what’s best for you.” I
personally know how oppressive this tyranny is, of men tormenting women for the
women’s own good; it never ceases, especially when men have God’s and society’s
approval.
[1]
Matar, F., 2021, “Is Hijab really a choice? And is there equality between men
and women in Islam?”, https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/442036352756346269/5989368460725572416
An audio version of this essay can be listened to here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D0631I1s5I&t=7s
[2]
Matar, F., 2019, “Discrimination against Women in Kuwaiti Laws and Culture.” International
Multilingual Journal of Science and Technology (IMJST) Vol. 4, Issue 9,
September 2019. http://www.imjst.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/IMJSTP29120182.pdf
